An Xmas Carol with WWE 

Despite perpetually bleeding money and minimal box off appeal, WWE is still in the movie business. Yet again they enter into the foray of holiday cinema with the remake of a holiday classic, A Christmas Carol. The movie takes place in present day, and while the story is similar, there are some huge changes to the plot. 

The story will remain mostly intact but the backdrop is New York City, where struggling social media ambassador Robert Cratchit works for fragments of cryptocurrency as an employee of Super Charged Athletic Modifications. The evil CEO of SCAM, Ebeneezer Scrooge, also owns the NYC Bullies, the premier team of Major League Lacrosse. 

As the elder Cratchit struggles to make ends meet on his paltry salary, his youngest son “tiny” Tim awaits a critical surgery to repair his ulnar collateral ligament known in Lacrosse as “Gary Gait’s” surgery. Formerly a star “middie” for the Bullies, Tiny currently sits on the sidelines as he awaits his Go Fund Me campaign to surpass his meager goal. 

Rather than pay for Tiny’s surgery, Scrooge would prefer to use Tim as a guinea pig for his newest athletic arm modification, Kyber powered bionic limbs. However, there’s one major drawback. Bob knows if Tim gets the bionic arm, it would contain a microchip giving Scrooge complete control, and Tim would become the legal property of SCAM, allowing Scrooge to gain an unfair advantage in the sport. 


In an even bigger plot twist than the movie itself is the announcement that WWE Chairman Vince McMahon has been cast in the leading role of Ebenezer Scrooge. Playing the part of Robert “Le Bob” Cratchit, after the modicum of success seen by the half dozen “Marine” movies, is Mike “The Miz” Mizanin. 

Plenty of other WWE performers will also be in the film. In an attempt to give the movie a more modern feel, the Cratchit marriage is polyamorous. Le Bob’s wife Martha will be played by Alicia Fox, while their tri-lover-partner Janerix, will be played by Jinder Mahal. Of course, their extraneous children will be played by WWE security guards who just happen to be small but jacked and tan males in their early twenties. Finally, straight out of the WWE playbook, Braun Strowman will be playing the part of “tiny” Tim. 

In other roles, the Ghost of Xmas Past is played by Mean Gene Okerlund, the Ghost of Xmas Present is played by Baron Corbin, and the entire New Day trio of Kofi Kingston, Big E, and Xavier Woods will play the part of the Ghosts of Xmas Future, dressed like when three kids are trying to sneak into a rated R movie by getting on each other’s shoulders and wearing a long overcoat, sunglasses and a detectives hat. Finally, In a stunning cameo, Scrooge’s dead partner Jacob Marley is played by the ghost of Roddy Piper. 

Box Office Potential for "An Xmas Carol" Remake by WWE 

Will this movie be as successful as previous WWE movies such as The Scorpion King, The Rundown, Walking Tall, See No Evil, The Marine, The Condemned, Behind Enemy Lines: Colombia, 12 Rounds, The Marine 2, Legendary, Knucklehead, The Chaperone, That’s What I Am, Inside Out, The Reunion, Bending the Rules, The Day, Barricade, The Marine 3: Homefront, Dead Man Down, The Call, No One Lives, Queens of the Ring (Les Reines du Ring), 12 Rounds 2: Reloaded, Christmas Bounty, Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery, Road to Paloma, Leprechaun: Origins, See No Evil 2, Jingle All the Way 2, The Flintstones & WWE: Stone Age SmackDown, The Marine 4: Moving Target, Vendetta, 12 Rounds 3: Lockdown, The Condemned 2, Santa’s Little Helper, Countdown, Term Life, Scooby-Doo! and WWE: Curse of the Speed Demon, Interrogation, Incarnate, Eliminators, Surf’s Up 2: WaveMania, The Resurrection of Gavin Stone, The Jetsons & WWE: Robo-WrestleMania, The Marine 5: Battleground, Sleight, Pure Country: Pure Heart, Armed Response, Birth of the Dragon, Killing Hasselhoff, Mohawk, and The Marine 6: Close Quarters? This movie reviewer says… yes! 

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ENJOY THE XMAS SEASON BITCHES~! (Or don't, free will is an illusion. Who cares!)


Mikey G & PeachMachine

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