I'm The Viggity, and I want to end CM Punk's fighting career. I'm the guy, and in this article, I'll tell you why it's the perfect matchup for both of us.
Please don't mistake my sentiments. In no way do I believe that I could easily whip Punk's ass. I'm not looking for a tomato can. I AM a tomato can. We both are.
In terms of fighting ability, Punk and I are both very very very low level. If the best UFC fighters in the world are tens, then Punk and I are threes. This scale accounts for all people in existence, so a three puts us just above layman, and just below current amateur level fighters. We're not good, but we're equally not good.
Punk and I have countless similarities. Let us examine them now.
THE TALE OF THE TAPE
|CM Punk||The Viggity|
|Fighting Weight||170 (welterweight)||170 (welterweight)|
|Pro MMA Record||0-2||0-0|
|Amateur MMA record||0-0||5-2|
|Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Rank||Blue Belt||Brown Belt|
|Titles||Many fake belts||Zero fake or real belts|
Punk has fought only twice in five years, and I haven't fought at all in ten years.
Both CM Punk and I began our careers in professional wrestling. We wrestled for the same companies, often on the same cards, although never against each other. Obviously, Punk went on to have a slightly more prosperous career. I retired from the ring in 2007 after eight years of barely making a nickel and getting zero interest from any bigger companies. We both traveled the same roads, took the same bumps and chased the same dream. Punk fulfilled his dream, while I went into the lucrative world of janitorial work.
I've had two amateur boxing bouts as well, both of which I lost before I realized that I'm a slow white guy and needed a sport where I could grab a hold of my opponent. This led me to MMA. I began learning Brazilian Jiu Jitsu in 2002 at a hole in the wall gym while attempting to maintain my killer 2.0 GPA in college.
Up until five years ago, Punk has put all of his efforts into professional wrestling. Punk's gimmick was that of a straight-edge punk rocker. His anti-drug and alcohol campaign gave him a unique presence. While the world of professional wrestling spiraled downward with rampant steroid and recreational drug use, Punk's real-life demeanor and message set him apart from the pack of fledgling indy wrestlers, of which I was one. He began to rise to the top of promotions across the Midwest, while I sank to the bottom.
As my professional wrestling career faded out, I began focusing more on MMA. I made my amateur MMA debut in 2007 and won via armbar in the first minute. I thought I was a beast. I won my first four amateur MMA fights via submission and decided that was enough, and that I needed to pursue more college so that I could move up in the world. I went on to complete my Master's degree and began working on my Doctorate, a pursuit that would come to a halt in 2009 after I ran out of money. So I went back into the cage.
I rekindled my love of MMA and began fighting again, although this time it didn't go so hot. I fought three more times going 1-2 for a career total of 5-2. I lost my last ever bought via second-round TKO in 2010. I got hurt pretty badly too. I left the cage that night, went to the locker room, and cried. I was now 30 years old and I knew that my time was over, having never gone pro. I didn't want to be a stepping stone for these young lions, so I stepped out of the cage and hung up my gloves.
Punk and I have had countless injuries. Throughout my life, I have suffered many concussions, from my days playing sports recklessly, taking insane and needless pro wrestling bumps, and all the sparring rounds with guys who didn't know what "half speed" meant. Add to it the knee and back injuries, multiple nose breaks, and tooth replacements, and really I am fortunate that it all hasn't taken even more of a toll. I'm still standing and still working on my BJJ black belt, albeit with a lot of pain.
Punk has had similar injuries. His back and injury got a lot of media attention, so has his numerous concussions. Fortunately for him, his actual fighting career started a scant five years ago, after he was already a superstar. I'm not saying he has been protected, but he's rich and can afford to train at the top gyms with the best trainers, go to real doctors, eat the best food, and use the best equipment. If safety is a priority for him, then he has the means to make it so.
Punk and I are natural enemies. He's from Chicago, and I'm from St. Louis. Think Cubs vs. Cardinals. He admonishes alcohol use, while I used to love it (although now I don't drink at all).
I don't think Punk has the guts to take me on. I don't think he wants to fight me because he has everything to lose and I have nothing. If he gets beaten by me, he really is done, and he never was a real fighter. I've already accepted the fact that I was a pretender, a poseur in trunks. He hasn't.
We both have pain. We've all been abused, we've all been neglected, and we've all been hurt by substance abuse at some point. Maybe we both really were pieces of shit children that deserved it. It's what we do with that experience that makes us who we are.
We both need to feel pain. We both long to be punished for how we feel about ourselves, and the best way to deal with that pain... is to fight.
Fight me CM Punk. You deserve it.