WCW Nitro Episode 55

Our super sleuth "Quiet Time" is at it again. This time spying on another preshow meeting between the WCW booking committee. It all happened exactly as written. Nobody has this sort of inside info, not Meltzer, not the Torch... none of those rags...

Nitro 55 – Monday, September 30, 1996 

Slug Line: Loyalties in WCW are being called into question as the NWO celebrates its success. Plus, The Faces of Fear, Chris Jericho, and more. 

Pre-show meeting between Eric Bischoff, Tony Schiavone, and Mike Tenay… 

Eric Bischoff: Ok, hot open on the sweet WCW graphic moving up the ramp. Cue Zbysko to immediately insult Cleveland… On this show, we’ll really focus more on the NWO and me, Eric Bischoff.  

Tony Schiavone: Uh Eric, we’re all in the room with you, you don’t need to say your name after saying “me”. 

EB: Ok, I’ll get a solo shot sitting at the announce desk, and I’ll go on a diatribe talking about the great history of WCW.  

Mike Tenay: Should I fact check what you’re going to say? 

EB: Tenay, do you think I could possibly screw up the history of WCW? Of course I don’t need a fact check.  

TS: Eric, what should Zbysko and myself wear with our suits? Should we put on ties? 

EB: Fuck no. Jim Ross wears a tie… Ok, the first match we will feed El Technico and Juventud Guerrera to the Public Enemy.  

Public Enemy: Hey Eric, can we put duct tape stripes on the table?  

EB: Sure. 

PE: And should we go to the gym and work out so we’re not so fat? 

EB: No! Just put on hockey sweaters and jorts. We’ll put PE on the sweaters so that people know who you are. 

PE: Uh, won’t people just think we’re gym teachers? 

EB: Of course not. Your undercuts and line beards will make sure people know you couldn’t possibly hold a respectable job. Just do all of your spots, and be super fucking stiff. It’s a tag match, but just do whatever the fuck. Now here, take this pillowcase full of blow and try not to overdose… We’ll bump out with a scintillating promo by Dean Malenko and then a promo with Hacksaw acting like a child with Down Syndrome playing with a T-Shirt, and we’ll be back with you, Tenay, interviewing the Horsemen. 

Mike Tenay: You’re going to let me interview the Horsemen? 

EB: Uh, no, just Mongo and Debra, and Benoit. And make sure the promo goes nowhere, and tell the Horsemen to keep putting up four fingers... Then we’ll run a promo with Hogan sitting with a child on his lap and the NWO ordering room service at the Marriott and talking over each other, and lots of booze. Then Nash will insinuate that he’s fucking Debra. 

MT: What’s the point of that? 

EB: Because they’re cool heels, duh! Cool heels fuck other dudes wives… Then we’ll put a couple of vanilla midgets out there… Uh, let me pick from this sack of names like I’m on the Price is Right… how about Malenko vs. Alex Wright?   

TS: That sounds like a good match. 

EB: Don’t worry, we’ll give them 4 minutes and Alex will get the win because his bowl cut and lime green tights will get him over. Ok, so we’ll go to commercial at minute 2, then we’ll have them take it home two minutes after that. Don’t worry about the match, just talk about Sting.  

TS: That makes no sense, given that Malenko will be feuding with Mysterio over the mask, the mask he brought out with him and we talked about the whole time, and he was also talkign about it on the promo earlier. 

EB: Yeah, but what are you gonna do. Too late now. 

TS: No it’s not. The show doesn’t start for six hours.  

EB: Next, we’ll have Tenay interview Macho Man? 

MT: Really? This is awesome. 

EB: Yeah, but for no reason, he won’t come out. 

MT: Fuck me. 

EB: Then we’ll bump out with a promo by Guerrero talking about Jim Powers. Just do it in one take.  

TS: Actually, we just shot that promo, and his first take sucked. He stumbled on the opening line and never mentioned who he was wrestling or why. 

EB: Perfect! I knew he couldn’t get over.  

TS: We could just do it again? 

EB: What? I told you already, there’s no time! 

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